Sidnee Omphroy | Contributing Writer
Greetings, spinsters of the interwebs! My name’s Sidnee, but my friends call me Shitnee (I have really mean friends).
I’m 20 years young, have a great ass and a bangin’ personality! I am currently employed at Quiksilver where I greet strangers in an overly happy voice and fold t-shirts for a living. In my spare time, I enjoy eating Wetzel’s Pretzels, quoting Dumb and Dumber, chillin’ poolside, consuming mass amounts of alcohol, and working on my chocolately skin tone (I am still very pasty…being tan is harder than it looks).
Just throwing this out there, because I like to see the look of shock on people’s faces when I tell them… I AM half black…Just go ahead and let that sink in. Not sure if that was necessary information for you to know right off the bat, but fuck it, it’s funny. Or not funny at all depending on if your sense of humor is shitty or not.
I graduated high school in 2011 by cheating off all the dweebs and I didn’t go to college, so I am suuuper qualified to give you all life advice. So take it from someone who sees a therapist for having “issues” that are “concealed with humor”, because it will probably be a hell of a lot more entertaining than watching Dr. Phil. I like to think of myself as a half black, taller, cuter, more charming Yoda. So who wouldn’t want to listen to what I have to say?