All posts filed under: The Mr. High School Diaries

The Mr. High School Diaries | Part Two: Rude Bitch

I was quite manipulative in high school. Nowadays I use my powers for good rather than evil, but back then I would use the gift of manipulation for the most petty of circumstances. Including my problem with a girl, who sat next to me in health class sophomore year, named Roxy. The Situation Sometimes when I tell this story, people ask what was so bad about Roxy. They want to know, “What did Roxy do to make you do that to her?” The answer is simple. She was a loud mess who didn’t know when to stop lying about her life story and she chose me to be the one who hears about it. I just did NOT have time for that. Roxy had many stories to tell. Apparently her father left for Mexico after meeting a stripper and her mom is an alcoholic. I didn’t really care because she told all these stories with a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. I just could not buy her story. I couldn’t …

The Mr. High School Diaries | Part One: Dating Girls

I received the text message. It was late at night on a Tuesday, and I had an English assignment due the next day. Ninth grade English class is just so difficult. The text read: “We need to break up.” I was disappointed but not exactly saddened. Lindsay and I had only been dating for like a week. AIN’T NOBODY GON’ BE HEARTBROKEN OVER DAT SHIT. (Exception: If Darren Criss and I were to be in a five minute relationship that ended most likely because he realized I am completely insane, then I would cry for days, call off work, drop out of school, and go on an “Eat, Pray, Love” adventure to find myself.) I didn’t know how to respond exactly, I was just so dumbfounded. I mean, come on, I’m pretty attractive. So, I simply said: “Why?” It took a good ten minutes to get back a response and I wasn’t sure how long it would take. Finally, she replied: “God doesn’t want us to date anymore.” WHAT?! GOD TOLD YOU TO BREAK UP …