Hey boo hey.
We have all been there, creepin’ on the person who’s no longer a part of your life, trying to see how they’re doing without ya. It’s addicting. It can become a sick game really. Especially when the other person is posting clues for you to come across. And then you react by posting something passive-aggressive. And then it’s just a mess, honey.
Now, my most unhealthy relationships have never been with a boyfriend (because I haven’t exactly been in a relationship oops lmao) but hey, ya live and ya learn. The example I’ll be using to show you how I learned to stop stalking is not somebody I dated but most certainly had an intense relationship with, but that’s not important this is about the LESSONS below.
Anyhoo, here are 4 tips on how to stop the stalking behavior.
1. You have to want to stop
First step is most important because if you don’t want to stop then you won’t. Duh. So let’s start there. Typically it takes seeing something quite painful or annoying to make you want to stop, even when it’s still addicting. In the words of Kanye West, “admittin’ is the first step.” But tbh if you don’t really have that much of a problem with your ex and y’all are cool, then who cares. This is really for people who need to stop for the sake of staying sane and not crying at 2AM from something that had them SHOOK.
Ya feel me?
2. You have to love them
Now look, I know this might sound crazy. But think about it. When you hate someone, that hate sticks around, it lingers. Love is freedom. Love is kind. Love is not bound by anything. So you have to send love and light to the person, otherwise, you’ll always have an inclination to see what they’re up to because haters are obsessive. You know what I’m talking about. The first thing you say when a hater reveals themselves to you is, “well damn, they’re clearly obsessed with me to be checking up on my life.” So yeah, don’t be a hater. Send love. It’s different for everyone. It doesn’t mean you have to reach out and in fact I strongly discourage it if you had to let that person go to help you live your life purely and to the fullest. Just appreciate them for the lessons they taught you, honor the good times, and then drop it.
For more about how to stop hating someone, see: “I Turned a Man Into the Devil In Order to Rebuke Him”
3. Remember Instagram is not reality
Even once you’re over everything and moved on, it’s still wise not to let your curiosity get the best of you. Because while you may think, “Who cares what’s on their profile? I’m going to check anyways, I’m just curious to see…” you run the risk of letting unnecessary negative thoughts into your mind.
We all create theories in our heads when we don’t have all the facts, which is why Instagram is misleading. You start digging through every caption and comment, deciphering what they meant when they posted a lyric to a Frank Ocean song or that book you bought them, or sometimes they even post a photo of your eye and call you their soul mate after they’ve been blocked for five months. True story. The point is, what’s posted online is open to public interpretation because it’s in a public space. So in reality, what you find on social media isn’t going to be the truth anyway. We only share the things we want to share, we only build a perception of how we want to be perceived.
I’ve gotten to a point personally where if I saw my ex person with someone else, I wouldn’t even be bothered. But if I make the choice to look and see , I’ve already put myself at the mercy of what’s happening in someone else’s life, diminishing my sense of worth. Every time you check to see what an ex is doing, it’s a betrayal to yourself.
4. Fill yourself up with love
Instead of keeping yourself full of love, you were letting this ex or whoever they are take from your cup. Think of it this way, every time you go to creep, it’s tipping your cup over. You gotta keep your cup full! In the words of Iyanla, “‘My cup runneth over.’ What comes out of the cup is for y’all. What’s in the cup is mine. But I’ve got to keep my cup full.” So be kind to yourself. It’s OK to still think about the person. What’s not OK is to feed into the thought that what they’re doing or posting about is relevant to who you are now. Stay in your truth. Know your truth.
(For more on self-worth & self-love see: “I’ve Always Known Who I Am but Didn’t Know Who I Am is Enough”)
Trust and believe, by doing all these things, I have found a much greater sense of peace in knowing, that my cup continues to runneth the fuck over.