Year: 2017

Goodbye, Spinster

Hello my loves, Thank you for joining us for the final blog post of Queer Spinster. I’ve spent nearly 5 years documenting my life on this blog, as well as sharing powerful and hilarious essays by guest writers–but most importantly, this was a space for us to connect, to discuss our lives and the lessons we’ve learned through heartbreak, falling in love and finding ourselves. In dedicating time to heal and examine my life, I hope that I have brought you comfort in some way. I’ll always be here, open and available to chat. Seriously. Like call me, beep me if you wanna reach me. I love listening. I am so deeply honored to have had this platform and for us to grow as human beings together. I love you all. You have no idea. I wanted to take this last opportunity to share 9 lessons I’ve learned throughout this blog journey that I may have not already yet shared:  1. Anything we want from someone else is something we can provide for ourselves (but …

Why I’m Ending ‘Queer Spinster’

As some of you may already know, the final Queer Spinster blog post will be shared on July 3, 2017. And some of you may be wondering why. I began this blog (as Diary of a Gay Spinster) in late 2012 at 20 years old with a quest to relieve myself of feeling embarrassed by my own spinsterdom. In my first post, I began a simple call made of self-deprecation, to “claim the darkest parts of myself and find the humor in my own tragedy.” In an official introduction post, I wrote: “The purpose of this blog is to connect with at least one person, a lost soul who has a free ticket to the Hot Mess Express. Well if you are that person, I’m here for you. I know what it’s like to be a single, career driven college student without prospects. I’m probably just dramatic, but the drama of it all (not stupid high school drama, I mean the glamorization of your own failures and successes) is what fuels my desire to make …

What We Judge About Ourselves Shows Up in How We Judge Others

There are many facets to how and why we judge others. Today specifically, I wanted to discuss how when we disconnect from pain, we disconnect from empathy for others who are going through a similar pain. Until we are truly liberated from that pain by facing it head on, it will come up in the way we judge others. I’m still working through my own healing and learning how to hold empathy for those who behave in ways that I now reject, and remember that they too are the same as me. We are all the same. The most important thing to remember is we must look at ourselves with love and share that in connecting with others. In the words of thought leader Gabrielle Bernstein, “The moment we release judgment, unity is restored — and each shift from judgment to unity is a miracle.” xx Manulani  

RUNAWAY GIRL ♡ PART ONE

I KNOW NOW THAT THE DARKNESS I HAD SEEN WAS MY OWN SHADOW. * * * Cut it off, run now. Don’t look back. You must go missing for him to learn how to miss you. I pack my proverbial suitcase and head for the door. I look back and know that what is left will not be the same if I returned. But returning is not an option, at least not now. I must learn to keep my feet moving past the door, out to the street, into a cab and set dynamite across the bridge as I cross over the canyon. Never to return. Without him, I may never know if this house we painted pink would have ever been a home. With him, the walls breath in staggered paces, huffing and puffing as if their lungs had been filled for centuries with the toxic fumes of my own self-loathing—gasping to make out the word: “Run.” * * * But I do stop running. I return. From winter in Phoenix to a 79-degree night …

May Book Club Pick: More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera

Hello #QSBookClub babes, I am thrilled to announce this month’s book club pick! The idea for this book club centered around the difficult time I had finding new books by queer authors. In my search, I came across the incredible Adam Silvera, who has now become a huge inspiration in my life (I’m so late omg). For May, I wanted to do something different and explore a genre I hadn’t dived into before. This book has touched so many people and the fact that the protagonist is a gay person of color who grew up in the Bronx is so dope. May 2017 QS Book Club Pick This month’s pick is More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera! >SIGN UP HERE< Live Book Discussion On Wednesday, May 31 at 9PM EST, Queer Spinster will host a Live Google Hangout as we discuss the book More Happy than Not. Details to come. If you live in New York City, there will also be an in-person discussion where wine will be served (of course) at the same time, as we Skype in with …

The Difference Between Fear and Trusting Your Gut

Fear is all consuming—it hits you like a ball of fire, it’s instant like foil sparking in a microwave. It’s blinding—chilling—leaves you avoiding all sense of who you are. Your gut allows time for you to analyze the situation. It’s a feeling that your foundation is at threat whereas fear is an avoidance of your foundation. Your gut collaborates with your brain. It allows it time to catch up. It’s patient at first but until you take notice it will continue to throb slowly, sending signals through your body to help wake up your mind. If fear is the devil, then God is your gut. Your gut says, “I love you, but you need to get out.” Fear has you out the door before you can even process what just happened. Fear is gunfire; your gut is a cease-fire. Your gut is knowingness. It doesn’t need a gunshot in the air to get your attention. It needs you to listen. It’s waiting for you to join it in silence. It’s calling you to stop what …

I’m Scared I’m Not Who They Think I Am (Or What They Want Me to Be)

I wrote this in my journal a couple weeks ago as I kept feeling the blockage of my own false belief system stifle me from living in the present–of feeling like I needed to be everything I could to belong. I am sharing for the same reason I always share my mess, to connect with people who feel it too.  I so desperately seek to not be lonely and yet I isolate myself in fear of seeming like a bore or disconnected. When I wake up, the list of things I want to accomplish are heavily overwhelming to the point where I just lie there contemplating what to do first. I have an idea of what I want to do and see being around people as distracting me from those tasks. But then I end up feeling lonely throughout my day wondering when I might happen upon a stranger who comes up to me in those moments and thrusts me into adventure. And clouded by my own trunk of tasks, if I do make the effort …

What I Learned Through Image Making Meditation

Hi loves! Today we are discussing how to channel our heart’s true desires and how it may not always be what you expected. Through a guided meditation with life coach Gabrielle Bernstein (author of The Universe Has Your Back and May Cause Miracles), you will begin to uncover the images of who you truly are and who you want to become. For a guided meditation click here. For me, I thought I wanted major speaking opportunities to inspire people, book signings and huge career success. But what I discovered was something else entirely, and what my heart really wants shocked even myself. I shared my experience in the video below. I’d love to hear about the images you saw through this meditation! I hope this serves you. xx Manulani

5 Things I Learned from Therapy

Editor’s Note: I was deeply moved by my dear friend Austin’s video on therapy and how it’s helped him deal with anxiety and depression. Beautiful to see he’s sharing his story, honored to be sharing it with you.  “I don’t think I need therapy. I view it, kind of, as a weakness.” The most common, and annoying, thing people say about going to a therapist is the above statement. Obviously in different ways, but you catch my drift. I think people are fearful because being explicitly honest with someone can somewhat seem taxing on a person, but I’m here to assure you that it’s not. In my recent sessions, I have left feeling empowered, joyful, and ready to take on this insane world. I never thought that I would be able to wake up and root for myself again. I thought my life was going to end up as that iconic scene where Alice is falling down that black hole of confusion forever. What is my point? What does this all mean? Well, I’m not almighty …

On Letting Go of the Outcome and Staying in the Present Moment

As artists looking to build a platform to share our work, we can often get distracted by what the outcome might be. Sometimes, our ego’s desire to be validated externally can get in the way of our true purpose, the purpose of why we create in the first place. If your intention is coming from a pure and loving place, it’s important to stay in the present. There is always love in the present moment of what you’re doing now. I hope this serves you. xx Manulani