This is a working title at the moment.
I can’t start a series called the “New York Diaries” and keep it on for very long seeing as how this city is now my permanent residence. What a silly cliché to keep up well into my mid-twenties. “The New York Diaries.” It sounds like a desperate teenager’s attempt to manifest some sort of magic in their lives after watching the “Sex and the City” movie one time at their friend’s house. This type of cheese is a gooey gouda and I’m not here for it—it’s embarrassing, more embarrassing than using cheese to describe just how cheesy this whole situation is. But truth is, I did used to be that person, I was that guy who dreamt of things he couldn’t have and once he realized he could actually attain those things, he had to act like it wasn’t that big of a deal to have them. Everything is fascinating until it’s normal. And once you’re running in the circle of people who have the same things you do, the things you wanted your entire life, you have to chill the fuck out. Because it’s not cool to think everything you do is awesome. Even though the 17-year-old you who cried every night for a week straight their last semester of high school because they thought they had peaked in high school—would idolize you right now. They would admire you and try to network with you and ask questions like, “How did you do that? How did you get to where you are now post-college?” and then the present-day you would try to come up with some lame quote of inspiration, starting by Googling “Oprah+quotes+on+success”.
What I’m beginning to realize more and more lately, is that the bigger the dream, the less exciting it is when it actually becomes reality. New York plus being successful in my career was always the goal. But I’m 24 and I’m here now and I am completely unfazed by both achievements. Here is what I thought about myself following this realization:
You are an ungrateful piece of shit. Well of course, I am. I’ve made it here and I don’t really seem to be all that fazed do I? It must because I’m ungrateful to the universe and all the blessings life has brought to me.
I sat in this for a moment. Returned to my “Grateful” journal and began to write all that I am grateful for. I took a few deep breaths. I got centered. I looked around at my apartment. I let every moment from the past few weeks replay in my head and I sat in it, truly loving it and saying thank you to the heavens above.
And then I understood something.
When you spend your life chasing after things, working hard at long hours while learning to maintain some form of grace but staying true to who you are, you take what you gain along the way and keep going. You don’t look back. There isn’t time to reflect. Because you think about every person in your life who told you you weren’t good enough (you being your biggest hater of all), every guy who broke your heart and threw you off balance, every friendship that revealed itself as artificial because they were just using you that whole time, every week you lost sleep—stressed about the work that you had to do—the work that needed to be done. Soon you emit the bullet proof glow all around you—it’s no longer about getting to one place—this is the hustle. You know you deserve what you’re getting. Honey, you deserve it. You got here. You did this. With the help of a hundred angels who have been there for you throughout this journey. You did this. This is what you deserve.
And this is why it becomes less exciting when you have those wins. You were always used to being told “no” and feeling so undeserving of anything, that you had to train yourself to believe that this is yours for the taking. You refused to look back. You put on your Olivia Pope armor and you got out there and kept going. There was no time to sleep. Every amazing moment was just one step on the greater journey. So no, it doesn’t seem as exciting to be here right now. Because this is what you expected. You orchestrated the whole thing and most of the time you didn’t even realize it.
So here we are, toasting to something you’ve known you would achieve all along. Because you told yourself you deserved it.
Yes, write about this in your grateful journal. Yes, celebrate how far you’ve come. Yes, center yourself and live in this moment and never take these memories for granted. Know who you are at your core. Know thy self. And keep going. Keep the bar high and keep it moving. Don’t compare yourself to others. Know that everyone has his or her own path and you’re maximizing on your own to the fullest. Keep the hustle because you’ve been training a long time for this. You’re not a genius, but you have the courage to make shit happen.
Be grateful. Stay moving.
xoxo Robby Rob
More blog posts on being young and in love with New York (haha):