Hello, boo. It sure has been a while. A lot has happened in the past few weeks, like moving to Brooklyn and what not. But besides that, same old, same old.
Anyhoo-today I’d like to talk about something that often goes undiscussed. I’m talking about RESTING FRIENDLY FACE, my friends. A condition that’s pretty much the opposite of RESTING BITCH FACE (RBF) and in many cases causes just as many awkward situations. Sometimes appearing warm and approachable isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. Here are 7 downsides to having resting friendly face:
1. Strangers feel like they can tell you their problems.
“Oh, what did you say? You and your wife recently divorced and you’re still in love with her? Oh boy, what a pickle you’re in, sir!”
This is literally something that’s happened to me. To all my RFF brothers and sisters out there, you know what I’m talking about. You could just be casually browsing the produce section for avocados to make a shit ton of guacamole for your best friend’s upcoming bachelorette party and then all of a sudden you lock eyes with a stranger who’s perusing the tomato section across from you. Before they can even decide if they want roma tomatoes or the regular big ones (do the big ones even have a name?) they make a casual joke about how it’s so difficult to open the plastic bags the store provides to take your produce home in and then next thing you know they take your pity laughter and sweet sweet face as a sign of “I can tell this person everything right now.” But no sweetie, I have plans. I have a bachelorette party to tend to and the stripper just let me know he will be twenty minutes late. Just because I smile and appear welcoming does not mean I have time for your story that is frankly none of my business.
2. You typically get called upon for audience participation
Whether it’s at a play, open mic night or your best friend’s improv event, RFF people typically will get called on to participate and “put themselves out there”. It’s not always enough to just attend a show, sometimes the people performing need someone to come on stage and “play” with them. So they scan the audience for the people who appear the nicest and “good sports” and put them on the spot and ask them to take part in their show. Make no mistake, I might look friendly but put me on that stage and I’ll lose it.
3. It’s easy to come off as creepy
You know how people with RBF are told to “smile” all the time? (Which is really something that’s fucking sexist, a phrase old misogynistic men love to say to women, including the UPS guy who delivers packages to my work). Well RFF people are told to stop smiling because it’s extra and super weird. Like why are we smiling? What are we so damn happy about? Comforting for some, off-putting for others.
4. People think they are your best friend and you don’t even know them
If you have RFF, you’re probably a sweet and unassuming person. Most likely a fragile flower. Which is why it’s so easy for people to like you, you’re a likable person! But here’s the thing, people will automatically assume they know you so well (because you’re just such a fucking open person) and then they get comfortable real fast. They even start throwing out the “B” word: best friend.
OK that’s two words, but you get the idea.
5. You give people false hope
This kind of ties into the last one. You don’t mean to lead people on to believe that you are just as emotionally invested in your relationship as they are. It’s just that you’re an externally nice person. So what-you laughed at a joke they’ve been trying to stick for weeks (and still struggling) and now they feel like you ‘get them’–big deal! But OK yeah it’s pretty awful, people will get mad that you don’t make enough time to hang out them and it’s like “dog I have best friends already. Why are you tripping?”
6. Your Instagram makes no sense
You spend your whole life smiling so when you actually go to take a cute selfie, all of a sudden a smize comes from out of nowhere and you throw a smolder to the lens like it’s nobody’s biz. People who know you in real life will be like, “What are they doing?” People who met you via Instagram first will be so confused when they meet you in person. Bottoms specifically who meet you via Instagram first will be like, “but I just assumed you were a top. Guess I was wrong.”
7. People get mad at you when you’re not 100% pleasant
When someone with resting bitch face is upset, nobody blinks an eye. It’s expected. When you have resting friendly face and get mad, people are like, “How dare you! Cheer up! Put a smile on!” Listen…people with RFF have bad days too. It’s not fair to hold RFF people to a standard of being super damn cheery all the time. Maybe we have our moments where we blow up seeing as how we keep EVERYTHING locked inside behind a smile and a hearty laugh. Just me or nah?
So there you have it. At the end of the day, I really am a nice person (lol) and in a perfect world, I’d want to talk to that lonely man in the produce section. But time is of the essence here and the busier I get, the less friendly my face is. Perhaps it’s a good thing, perhaps I need to write something ike the “7 Perks of Having Resting Friendly Face.” I’ll keep you posted there.
xoxo Robby Rob