All Diary Entries, Spring Awakening
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Spring Awakening: Part Six

The following is the sixth chapter of a series titled, “Spring Awakening.” Within two months I dated two people who both played significant roles in shaping how I view life, love and happiness. What I learned along the way surprised me. 

This is Part Six.

Chris said, “What are you thinking about?”

That question. That fucking question. I hate that question. But there was something different about Chris and unlike with Genie I decided to give him a real answer.

“I’m thinking about the Women’s Event that’s coming up next week and still figuring out if I can get an acoustic musician to perform, my best friend is coming from California in May and I need to figure out her birthday plans, Anastasia’s birthday is the day before hers so maybe we will have a great big bash, I don’t understand what’s happening in my econ class right now like what is a demand curve, I had this dream about writing a series called Spring Awakening for my blog but I’m not exactly sure what that means yet, and I’m pretty sure I have a presentation the day we get back from spring break.”

Chris just stared at me.

I needed to break the silence so I asked, “Is that weird?”

“No, I love that you have thoughts. I absolutely adore you, Robert.”

I became so enamored with him as we continued to make out for thirty minutes.

Our first evening together was quite lovely.

“Hey, I’ll be there in a bit, gorgeous,” I said.

I was well on my way to meet up with Chris at a hookah bar for some more of his adorableness. It had been a couple days since our first date and seeing as it was spring break I was feeling free as the wind breezed through my hair on the highway. Confined no more, I let the bass become me on the empty streets.

Chris was with a friend so I decided to invite Anastasia who was already a bit tipsy. Homegirl was havin’ herself a good time already, and happened to have two of her straight guy friends with her, one of which she was seeing. The more the merrier, I always say and invited the gang to join us. Because it was already close to closing time, we decided to head on over to Anastasia’s for an intimate gathering.

“Oh my god, I love this!” I said.

I’ve always been labeled the “Monica” when it came to referencing Friends in various circles, but then I met Anastasia I was no longer the only one. Her apartment even looks like a Monica apartment, everything placed in the right spot, pops of color surround the space and careful lighting creates a welcoming atmosphere as soon as you walk in. The property manager even uses her apartment on the brochure.

And here we were, chopping fruit in the kitchen and making cocktails for our men.

All the boys were in the living room as Anastasia and I giggled over the fact that she and I had boys over in the first place. I suppose when I’m next to Anastasia I suddenly become Rachel.

The guys were discussing working out, lifting weights, that sort of thing, while Anastasia and I poured drinks and prepared snacks. She and I entered the room lookin’ good and feelin’ fine and sat down next to our honored guests. Chris instantly put his arm around me as he sipped the drink I made for him. I loved this. I looked at his face as he talked about something involving running, I think, and  to see him get so passionate made me like him even more, and to see him hit it off with my friends so easily made it feel so natural for us. I didn’t have to say anything, I just sat back and enjoyed being an observer to the conversation.

Chris displayed me like his trophy and I accepted this role with grace. He barely finished his drink.

At this point I was drunk in love.

“I’m blowing up this air mattress for you and your man,” said Anastasia.

Next thing you know, it’s just Chris and I alone in the living room on an air mattress with moonbeams as our only source of light. There was a faint stillness here as I realized Chris had his arms around me with his face buried between my chin and neck

I could see Chris’ chest hair peek just a little bit over the top of his shirt collar and for some reason it had me feeling some type of way. The curly locks on his head completed the Christopher aesthetic, perfectly primped and fluffed, soft and curly, bouncy and spontaneous. His eyes so exotic, it was easy to get lost in its icy pools while his soft lips acted as a siren hypnotizing me to kiss them.

“Would you like to be my boyfriend?” he asked.

How could I say no! He was so gorgeous and the way he held me made me feel safe, he made me feel taken care of, like he would do anything to make me happy.

“Yes, I would love to be your boyfriend,” I replied as we cuddled on the air mattress cloud.

“Robert…I love you,” he said.

“Oh Christopher, no you don’t you silly boy,” I said, still enjoying the words I Love You. “You don’t really love me yet, but for now when you feel the urge to express your feelings for me, say, ‘I heart you.'”

“I heart you, Robert. I absolutely adore you.”

The Next Morning

I had slept quite well throughout the night but who wouldn’t with a gorgeous man wrapped around them.

As I rolled over to greet him in the morning, something had changed.

Eyes closed, he said, “Good morning, boyfriend.”

Boyfriend. Oh…that’s right…I was someone’s boyfriend now…

I suddenly felt as if I was driving in the summer, with the windows were rolled up, gasping for air, locked in my vehicle with my own anxieties, struggling to choose a song on the radio that didn’t sound like noise.

I needed to break up with Chris. I just didn’t know how or why.

to be continued…

Part Seven of Spring Awakening COMING SOON! 

More Spring Awakening:

Spring Awakening: Part One
Spring Awakening: Part Two
Spring Awakening: Part Three
Spring Awakening: Part Four
Spring Awakening: Part Five

I’m Done Feeling Ashamed of My Body



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