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Spring Awakening: Part Five

The following is the fifth chapter of a series titled, “Spring Awakening.” Within two months I dated two people who both played significant roles in shaping how I view life, love and happiness. What I learned along the way surprised me. 

This is Part Five.

At the end of Part Four, we are introduced to Chris. If you recall in Part One, Gay Spinster breaks up with a fellow named Chris in the first few lines. I gave away Chris’ ending, but the ending of a story is not always the most important; sometimes it’s the beginning and the middle that give you all that you need to learn.

But first, before you learn more about Chris, let’s rewind to find out what exactly happened with Genie, and the night he showed up to my Coffee House event.


Anticipation. It’s the one thing I fear more than anything, and yet it’s fear that feeds it and it, fear. I have a high tolerance for pain, you could bruise me, knock me down, shake me up and I will not even cry. But show me you’re about to bruise me, threaten to knock me down and attempt to shake me and I will flinch faster than a boxer in a ring. It’s not the pain I fear, it’s the “seeing it coming” that I fear the most.

I felt like this whole event was going to fall apart.

Six hours before it was supposed to start, I found myself in the fetal position on my bed, worrying and stressing about what could go wrong. And as if my silent cries for help were heard from across the valley, my best friend Lana called.

“Hey love, I figured you would be freaking out right now, so I thought I would give you a call,” she said. Lana is always on the lookout for her goons. She calmed me down a bit and reassured she would be at the event later that evening. I still felt strange, not to mention I knew Genie was coming with a “VIP” group of people. He used the term, “A-List” to be exact. A-List or not, I needed bodies, just in case no one were to show. This was only two days after he and I decided we weren’t right for each other and I wondered how it had affected our relationship. Obviously it had but I just wasn’t sure how. We had barely talked in between this time and hadn’t seen each other since he left my car with faint sounds of Kate Nash.

My anticipation had dissipated once the event began. Everything looked absolutely wonderful. We created an entire coffee house setting in the Cronkite School. The art gallery, the live music, the coffee bar, the twinkle lights hanging from the ceiling, everything was lovely. All thanks to an amazing team. We did it. And I was no longer a wreck.

As I walked around wearing a headset, coordinating the space, speaking to reporters and making sure everyone was having a good time, I saw a distinct figure from across the way. Like a 1980’s Brooklyn dream, there he was in full witch-chic regalia, toeing the lines between masculine and feminine fashion, wearing a black wide brimmed hat so big, it brought all your focus to his made up face, laced with white eyeliner and powder, his long blonde hair swooping over his ears.

Genie had arrived, bitch.

As the night continued, Genie and I would lock eyes here and there. His posse was fantastic and I was so grateful he brought them. He and I socialized a bit but we were both doing our own thing, mingling with others yet appreciating each other’s presence. All restraints I thought Genie placed on me were lifted, and I appreciated him for who he was: bold without a care.

The night couldn’t have been more perfect. People were laughing, enjoying the art, feeling the sounds of Luna Aura’s acoustic set, and nibbling on fresh baked cookies brought in by a local coffee shop.

“Robert, your man is so proud,” Anastasia said to me as she walked over from the art gallery. I thought to myself, “what man?” but still knew who she was talking about and even liked the idea of having a man. Anastasia is one of my best friends and her knowledge of Genie is very in depth. “I heard him talking to his friends. He’s telling people, ‘Yes, that’s right, Robert did this. He coordinated this. He’s the reason I brought all of you.'”

For the first time ever, Genie was finally seeing me doing what I do. It’s as if it all made sense to him now, the meetings, the ignored calls, the late text replies, the sleepiness, the stress, the constant busy life of Robert Soares. He saw who I was outside of our late night rendezvous’ and dinner dates. At that moment I felt that he understood. He got it. And because of this, Genie had never been more attractive.

As we closed for the end of the night, I knew Lana, Genie and Luna wanted to go out and celebrate in Scottsdale. I couldn’t agree with that plan more. The space had cleared and the music had ended.

“Alright are we all ready to turn up?” Luna and Lana said in unison.

“No,” Genie said. “We are going to sit down for a two minutes.” He gave me a look.

He wanted me to sit down. He wanted me to catch my breath and take in what tonight meant to me. I loved that he took charge like that. Was I wrong for not giving Genie a chance? Did I make things a bigger deal than they really were?

Anticipation. It’s the one thing I fear more than anything, but I had nothing to be afraid of. Genie just wanted to be there for me and he finally understood who I was that night. He changed into my flannel shirt and jeans in the car to feel more comfortable. I always have extra outfits handy. Once we hit the streets, he threw me on his back and gave me a piggy back ride as we walked to the club.

Oh Genie, when will you ever learn that I weigh way too much for you to do this.

My First Night with Chris

Chris’ racially ambiguous look was oh so sexy. I had never met him before until this moment and was interested to see how the night would go. He already seemed more normal than Genie.

As we drove to the coffee shop for our first date, Chris and I made small talk before beginning our real date conversation. In the middle of this, he said, “So uhm…I was on your Instagram and uhm…you know Genie?”

Surprised by his knowledge of Genie’s existence, I said, “Yes, I know him. Why?”

“He and I had a thing once,” he said.

It’s funny how I fear anticipation so much and yet I can be completely oblivious to the apparent shit storm that was sure to brew.

Anticipation. It’s the one thing I fear more than anything, and in its absence I am completely fearless, and perhaps that’s the most dangerous thing of all…

to be continued…

Read Part Six of Spring Awakening Tuesday, April 29th! 

More Spring Awakening:

Spring Awakening: Part One
Spring Awakening: Part Two
Spring Awakening: Part Three
Spring Awakening: Part Four

I’m Done Feeling Ashamed of My Body



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