All Diary Entries, Lifestyle, Love, Spring Awakening
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I’m Done Feeling Ashamed of My Body

What will it take for us to stop feeling so ashamed about our bodies?

On multiple occasions, I have found myself looking at the mirror, pulling and pushing at different body parts, struggling to imagine what my body would look like if I could just lose at least 15 pounds. I have had moments where I find myself completely disgusting and repulsive, so much so that I would make up excuses not to go out when I had plans. I’ve missed a wedding, two networking events, a halloween party, and several other events where my presence was requested. I even almost backed out of going to New York City for the first time, and had I listened to my insecurities, I never would have interned in NYC last summer. I have backed out and I have refused invites because I “didn’t feel good” when really, “I didn’t look good.” Or at least, that was what I would tell myself.

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The Breakthrough

I’m not sure when something in me changed and I really stopped giving a fuck. I think I just grew tired of hating myself, wishing for the perfect body, understanding I wasn’t putting in the work during my hectic schedule to get that perfect body, and getting stressed out about how tight my t-shirts were getting.

Well I’ve had enough. I’m over the culture we’re living in, teaching young women and young men they must lose weight in order to find someone to love them, or finally learn to love themselves. Sometimes, I hate the thought of “before” and “after” pictures. I think it’s great for people to track their progress as they work hard toward a goal, but a lot of these “before” shots I see are still of beautiful and gorgeous people, who suddenly define their “before” as unattractive and unhappy.

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For the past few months, I noticed my life began to happen in front of me and I was hardly present. I was watching it happen like it was a TV show playing in the background during my morning coffee.

Feeling like I needed to put things in perspective, I gave my friend Eugene a call, a guy I used to date who always seemed to understand my crazy.

He asked what I had been up to, so I told him. I’m on two exec boards at ASU, I do PR for a local musician, I’m a server and have a full class schedule. I worked on a student government campaign for two weeks, and organized two big events on campus. And somehow in the middle of all that I managed to date and break up with two different guys.

Eugene said, “That’s great and all, but what are you doing for YOU?”

At that moment, I realized I wasn’t listening to my intuition or slowing down to notice what was missing. I wasn’t writing, my college bucket list was practically thrown out the window, and I didn’t start a single chapter on my book. I hadn’t done anything I said I was going to do this year and I had shut out my artistic goals completely.

“Robert, I think it’s time you take back control of your life,” said Eugene.

So here I am, taking control again, listening to my spiritual self and understanding who it is I want to be, and what it is I want to do to inspire people to spread love, live young and be BOLD.

So I grabbed a camera, picked up my best friend Alexis, headed downtown and I stood in front of a wall, ready to make a bold bitch move, something I hadn’t done in a while. I don’t take off my shirt in front of people EVER, I have always avoided swimming pools and I try not to wear shirts that make me look like I have man boobs. But I took off my shirt anyways because fuck what people think.

The Lesson

If you find yourself stuck and in need of a change, ask yourself, “When’s the last time you were a Bold Bitch?”

Do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, challenge your beliefs, and do something for YOU. There’s a whole world of haters out there so be your biggest fan. There’s so much more to me than my physical flaws. Confidence doesn’t come from the outside, it comes from within yourself.

Fuck having mental breakdowns every time I feel like I look less than perfect, driving myself down into a hole, only to comfort myself with food. Fuck feeling anxious and nervous over what I ate and sucking in my stomach out of fear. Fuck trying to please everyone and trying to compete with people for attention. Fuck feeling sorry for myself because I don’t look like the hot guys at the club.

I have a receding hairline, man-boobs, crooked teeth and I STILL pull bitches.

Fuck what society says. We’re gorgeous.

This is the beginning of my spring awakening.

xoxo Robby Rob

Check back tomorrow for more Spring Awakening

More related articles:

Reinventing Yourself
Still a Hot Mess
I Didn’t Call to Say, I Love You

 

 

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6 Comments

  1. Once you start loving yourself, EVERYTHING gets better. It’s hard to love yourself unconditionally like you wish you could…or others in your life do. Shed that self loathing, tell the world to go to hell, and put on your big boy pants – you got this. Start by doing some ‘self care’. My motto is you HAVE to take care of yourself, because if you don’t, who will? Go eat that gelato, get a facial, satisfy your addiction for Tom Ford accessories or Prada shoes, both you know you can’t afford, but you’ll deal with later. Treat yourself, you won’t regret it.

  2. Anonymous says

    Great for you! Seriously. I went through the same shit and decided, f**k it…I’m not living my life waiting for someone else’s approval…

  3. amen Robby. “I have a receding hairline, man-boobs, crooked teeth and I STILL pull bitches.” that is brilliant. We’ve got the order all wrong meanwhile and you figured it out at 23. bless your soul. I am still working on it. so yeah, we’re all like, WHEN i get money, THEN I’ll be worthy. WHEN I’m ripped and chiseled THEN I’ll be complete. We gotsta complete ourselves from HERE. Then all the other shit A doesn’t matter and B can come to us in that flowy secrety way but C is doesn’t even matter any the fuck more. because we realize we have everything we ever the fuck wanted, bitches. so yeah like i said, AMEN. ps you are my fave gay spinster EVER.

    • Elise, oh my goodness, just now getting to this comment, bless you so so much. ❤

      It's so true. We can only be happy with more when we are happy with what we have already. YAS HONEY. thank you so much for reading. Can't wait for your book to arrive!

  4. This is by far my favorite post from you. What a courageous move to face your fears head-on, but to post it for all to see is a total “bold bitch” move. Kudos to you, my friend.

    The other day I was a victim of self shame. As you know, I’m a book blogger. Authors are my rockstars. I had the unfortunate experience to be insulted by an author “friend” for the memorial tattoos I have for my deceased daughter. I was blindsided and hurt, but chose to use this as a positive. In my mind I was being bullied and I don’t tolerate bullying in ANY form. I took to Book Mama Blog and made a blog post in the hopes to raise awareness of the importance of being kind and accepting the uniqueness of others. Here’s the post if you care to take a look http://bookmama2.blogspot.com/2016/04/lets-spread-love-not-hate-bullying-in.html

    I think you are one of the most gorgeous human beings. You are beautiful on the outside and stunning on the inside. Never feel insecure about how you look … or anything else about yourself. You are the perfect version of YOU! xoxo

  5. This is by far my favorite post from you. What a courageous move to face your fears head-on, but to post it for all to see is a total “bold bitch” move. Kudos to you, my friend.

    The other day I was a victim of self shame. As you know, I’m a book blogger. Authors are my rockstars. I had the unfortunate experience to be insulted by an author “friend” for the memorial tattoos I have for my deceased daughter. I was blindsided and hurt, but chose to use this as a positive. In my mind I was being bullied and I don’t tolerate bullying in ANY form. I took to Book Mama Blog and made a blog post in the hopes to raise awareness of the importance of being kind and accepting the uniqueness of others. Here’s the post if you care to take a look http://bookmama2.blogspot.com/2016/04/lets-spread-love-not-hate-bullying-in.html

    I think you are one of the most gorgeous human beings. You are beautiful on the outside and stunning on the inside. Never feel insecure about how you look … or anything else about yourself. You are the perfect version of YOU! xoxo

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