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Being Civil Doesn’t Make You Fake

I’m a crazy bitch.

I remember the first time I got fired from a job and I about lost it. I was 19 without a care, without a cause, without a proper head on my shoulders and girl lemme tell YOU…I set it off like Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale.

Watching that place burn down gave me life. I stood back, lit a cigarette and watched as my vengeance turned into black smoke in the clear blue Arizona sky.

JK JK JK I didn’t set the place on fire or light a ciggy, but I did happen to throw a middle finger up in the air and yell, “Fuck this place.”

Immature? Yes, yes it was. Did I have every right to be upset? Absolutely. I had been working there for two years, was an assistant manager, hosted a photo shoot for the store’s Facebook page, made breakfast at meetings, created activities for employees and always showed up on time. I did a great job but unfortunately if you don’t fire your friend because of a personal vendetta the owner of the store has against her, you will be terminated WITH your friend. Two friends actually. All three of us were booted out.

But just because I got screwed over (it was a blessing in disguise though because then I got to be at the job I’m at now making way more money) doesn’t mean I needed to freak out the way I did. I should have been stoic and smiled…something I’m a lot better at doing now…

I’m not sure what kicked in to me after that experience. Perhaps I grew up or maybe just decided I don’t need other people’s bullshit to make me upset or angry. Maybe I felt like burning a bridge was unnecessary. Maybe, I just got tired of acting foolish for no reason.

Last year a former friend betrayed me and threw me under the bus. It sucked. It was terrible. And unfortunately this person was a coworker. I could’ve easily made this person’s life a living hell at work. It’s a gift I have you could say. I’m pretty ruthless underneath this sweet exterior. But I held my ground when I saw them. I was polite and shoved my feelings down deep below the surface. I didn’t need to risk losing my job just because someone else did me dirty.

There’s a big difference between being fake and civil. I’m a very honest person but I will not engage in a war with you in inappropriate circumstances. Fake would mean I would go out of my way to be super nice and go out of my way to kiss ass, and tell the person I hate that I love them. I don’t do all that now…I’m not about to be two-faced. You can have all of me, I will give you all my words and my feelings and you will know these to be true, but if you’re not of importance to me, you will get nothing but politeness. It’s that simple. I’m real and I am who I am, but that doesn’t mean I have to “set it off” to make myself feel better or show you how real I am.

The best thing to do when you’re in a tense situation is either avoid speaking to that person and remain stoic OR give them the Victoria Grayson smile.

I certainly do the latter.

xoxo Robby Rob

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1 Comment

  1. Pingback: You’re So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About You | Diary of a Gay Spinster

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