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BB Diaries | Part Seven: The Return of Jayden Tucker

I wouldn’t say I’ve become more of a bitch, I just refuse to fuck around.

Actually scratch that, I’m definitely more of a bitch. A bold bitch to be exact. And that’s good you know, like taking charge, not putting up with bullshit. But prior to this transition, I was just a little bitch boy who was pretty damn pathetic, so much so I would’ve done anything for the one and only Jayden Tucker.

It appears my ghost of teenage past had been absent for quite some time. When I told Jayden Tucker we couldn’t be friends anymore he backed off, both for my sake and his own. We both knew I called the shots in this relationship seeing as how I was the only one to address problems and be honest, so it was only fitting for me to be the one to end it.

Oh wait! I’m so sorry, you probably don’t even know who the hell Jayden Tucker is. How rude of me. You can read all about him here in the Jayden Tucker tag but I shall give you a quick rundown for sake of time. Basically begins in high school, straight boy meets gay boy, straight boy flirts with gay boy, gay boy flirts back, straight boy asks gay boy on date, there were some Skittles involved, cut-to night before Christmas Eve, straight boy stays the night with gay boy, things get too real for straight boy, gay boy gets sad and depressed, straight boy tries to make another move on gay boy two years later, gay boy says girl bye, gay boy tries to finds himself, straight boy nowhere to be found.

All caught up now? Cool beans.

The Return

After a year of being apart, I finally heard from Jayden Tucker. You would think it would be something more simple like, “hey, long time no time” but instead it was something along the lines of, “At the mall, wish you were here to help me pick out something.”

DUUUDDDEEEE we haven’t talked in a year, you ignored my call when I was having a meltdown in New York and now you wanna hit me up about your lack of fashion sense? Bitch, please. I called up my friends and asked for advice but what’s the point really when you’re a crazy sagittarius who doesn’t listen to anyone ever? I knew what I had to do. I needed to play it cool. I wasn’t gonna come off all thirsty and shit. That Robert was gone. Bold Bitch Robby Rob is gonna keep it real. And I did. I kept it real.

Me: It’s nice hearing from you but I think it’s kind of random how you hit me up like this, seeing as how the last text I sent to you read, “I need you right now.”

Referring to my melt down night. You can read more about that interesting night here.

Jayden: I was under the impression you also didn’t want me in your life and needed time to figure yourself out. I hope whatever it was I missed worked out and you’re doing well. We both know you’re strong. 

UHMMM “we both know you’re strong”? Nah man, don’t try to make me out to be some weak neurotic mess who still needs you for comfort. I can handle myself just fine.

Me: Yeah I’m good, I don’t need time to figure myself out. I’m gucci. Just needed my friend at a rough time, that’s all. 

If there’s one thing I have learned from my friend, Penny, it’s how to be a chill ass bitch. She and I are the complete opposite. We share the same brain at times, and have the same crazy thoughts, but our execution is vastly different from each other’s. This situation called for a chill execution.

Jayden: I’m glad to hear it, bro! Your writing is coming along great! Not to sound like a creep haha.

OH SHIT HE READS MY BLOG? HAHAHA DOES HOMEBOY KNOW WHO JAYDEN TUCKER IS LMAO I CAN’T, OH WELL IT’S PRETTY FUNNY.

Jayden: We should def catch up over dinner or something soon. It’d be nice. 

Me: Yeah for sure. Let me know when you’re free. 

For a couple more weeks we continued to text and chat, just having interesting convos about getting away, following your dreams, finding yourself, rejecting what society expects you to do. That’s always been one of the things I loved about Jayden. I felt like he got my thoughts on life, and we liked to exchange our thoughts to better explain who we are. We’ve always been outgoing, friendly and bold in our own sense. I think that’s what drew us to each other in the first place. The ones who hold the spotlight are never what they seem, and I think we both needed someone not only to break down our walls, but to understand why those walls were built in the first place…to truly feel like we weren’t just crazy.

The Hangout

Eventually, we did make plans to hang out. Penny hit me up the evening after Black Friday to see if I wanted to have just a chill night with her and the guys at this hookah bar in Tempe. I wasn’t in a party mood so naturally I was down. I also saw this as a perfect opportunity to see Jayden for the first time. I didn’t want it to be just him and I on our first time hanging out because I wanted to set the tone that, nahh man we ain’t gon’ do that shit again. So, I invited him and he said he would very much like to join us.

Penny had never met Jayden Tucker before, and neither did my friend Lana, two besties I had made while Mr. Tucker was out of the picture. Of course, they were both excited and nervous having heard enough about him. I invited my friend Mischa as well, someone who knew Jayden Tucker from high school.

Before going inside to get hookah, we decided to grab a drink at this bar across the street. All my friends were engaged in conversation but I just sat there at the table, in a daze thinking of what was about to happen. I was going to see Jayden Tucker for the first time in a long time. Every reunion of ours was dramatic. Everything about us was dramatic. I didn’t know what to expect. So I ordered a Bluemoon to calm my nerves and waited patiently.

From across the bar I saw the door swing open and in walked Jayden Tucker in the flesh. He seemed taller than I remembered. Two of his friends followed behind him, and as they went to order at the bar, Jayden left his group and came over to our table to greet me with a hug.

He sat down next to me as I introduced him to all my friends. It’s funny watching your friends interact with a person from your past whom they never met before. It’s like watching an entire series on Netflix years after the series ended. These friends didn’t have to wait in anticipation week after week to see what would happen next. They didn’t see me struggle throughout my relationship with Jayden. But they still knew. They knew just enough to see just how in love I used to be. He was an instant hit with my posse. Jayden just has that effect on people. He can adapt to any group of people or environment, and next thing you know he and Lana are laughing up a storm. I thought it was sweet. Jayden figured out how close I am to Penny and Lana so he made sure to charm them both. Once we moved over to the hookah bar and sat in a big circle with his friends and mine, Jayden began to talk some big game.

“I really want to rekindle our relationship,” Jayden said from across the circle, as he took in a big puff of flavored vapor and blew it toward the sky. “And I want to come out with you guys on your birthday.”

He talked all night to Lana and Penny about how much he missed me and how he wanted to come out for my birthday, which was about to go down in just a couple weeks. It was like the old Jayden Tucker really had returned, only this time he understood I wasn’t his damsel in distress anymore. I thought, “Could this really work?” Maybe. I wanted Jayden to be a part of my new life, no matter the past we have. The day I broke off our friendship, he said to me, “No time or distance can ever change our friendship. True friends are always with each other no matter what.”

As corny as that statement was, I still believed it. I still believed that he believed, we would be connected forever…

But as my birthday came around, Jayden’s big talk was nothing more than talk. I didn’t hear from him. No inquiry about birthday plans, not even a simple “happy birthday” was delivered from his phone. After all that hype he created, he still continued to play the same old game with me, an inactive player. He was just playing with himself at this point. Robert from the dark ages would have called him out on his bullshit, he would’ve made it known how much of a jerk Jayden was for ignoring him on his birthday. But this Robert did not do anything. I cared, but not that much. I was surprised, but not that much. I just didn’t feel like giving Jayden Tucker anymore bonus points in this game.

But ignoring Jayden’s deliberate attempt to hurt me, did not sit well with him. So he texted me two days later, something about what he should wear to some event, just something unnecessary and petty so he could egg me on and see how I felt about him not hitting me up on my birthday. So I kept it real.

Me: Hahaha I love how you talked big game about celebrating my birthday with me and my friends and “rekindle our friendship” and then not even hit me up to say happy birthday (which bummed me out by the way) and now two days later you ask me if you can rock a vest or not hahaha smh I can’t.

Jayden: Wow…I am such an asshole!! I’m sorry Robert. Feeling like a dick right now. 

All I wanted was some consistency. It went from “hey, I want to rekindle our relationship and party with you on your birthday” to “oops I forgot your birthday.” But he knew. Oh, he knew. I guess for some reason the game was still too much fun for him to let go. “Save your sorries bro,” I said. “I’m not that guy anymore.” And with that the game was finished with no declared winner, just a pair of unlucky dice.

Fighting your battles with a hot head and a tormented mind will not win the war. You must look at the situation calmly, collect all your points and lay it down straight. There will be people in your life who feed off your soul, and live for your attention. Instead of getting angry, get smart. Instead of getting even, be the bigger person. For years I let Jayden Tucker have all my tears and all my yelling for treating me the way he did. I played games back to make him jealous and then looked to him for forgiveness.

I never heard back from Jayden after I sent that final text, and I don’t expect to any time soon.

The magician had run out of tricks, and I graced him with thunderous applause.

After all, it was quite a show.

xoxo Robby Rob

Interested in writing for Spinster Week? Email me at diaryofagayspinster@gmail.com!

More related articles:

Introducing Jayden Tucker
Jayden Tucker: Why Do You Hate Me?
The Gayest Birthday Ever

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1 Comment

  1. Pingback: You’re So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About You | Diary of a Gay Spinster

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