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Surviving Cuffing Season

Spinsters & Otherwise,

Most of you (I’m sure) have noticed in the past month or so, that random men or women from your sexual or romantic past decided to hit you up out of nowhere to “talk” or “hang out.” Where are these tricks coming from? Why are they turning up out of the blue uninvited? I asked myself this same question. It began with Facebook likes, Instagram comments and retweets from some thirsty bugaboos. And then it always led up to a text message saying, “Hey it’s been so long! How are you?” Thus the cycle had begun. Cuffing season is upon us.

Cuffing season is a very strange phenomenon that takes place during the winter months, where people who would otherwise spend their time partying it up and posting pictures on Insta with the hashtags, #TurntUp, #DoinMe, and/or #DontNeedNoMan, suddenly wish they were posting things like, #bae, #engaged, and #NYEkiss. They desire to be “cuffed” or “tied down” to a serious relationship. Why does the glamour of single life suddenly fade as soon as Starbucks cups turn from white to red? Perhaps because it’s colder so people are more prone to cuddling, and if you have no one to cuddle with, this could be an issue. Christmas time is all about love and happiness and cute ass shit. Who really wants to spend Christmas alone? And if you don’t have a kiss come midnight on New Years, well you might as well just quit the game now.

And just when the holiday madness of December is over, February creeps up on you…and guess what…it’s Valentine’s Day. I can’t even talk about this day without slapping an imaginary person’s face, flip my scarf back, storm out of a room and begin crying spinster tears.

Did you know in America, October is the month with the most birthdays? Yep, cuffing season is even real for people who are already cuffed. October is 9 months after the time cuffing season begins to take full force. And don’t even get me started on cute ass couples. They’re the worst. We single people who are struggling to get through cuffing season without texting our exes will innocently scroll down social media to see an adorable picture that makes us want to throw our phones into a lake and watch it drown. We all know those couples who keep hope alive by making us feel hopelessly alone by being perfect and happy.

Example A:

Jonas and Austen.

jonas austen

Courtesy of @jmaag94 and @Austen_Cooley

Just look at ’em. All happy and shit on New Years. They got the fyah fyah fyah and they gonna let it burn. If you have a tumblr, you might have seen them before and didn’t know it because a picture Austen posted of them together at Disneyland got like thousands and thousands of notes. Just click here to see it. It will make you go “Aw so sweet” and then say…

94191-I-am-gonna-end-up-alone-gif-Zo-QZ9s

Courtesy of PandaWhale

And then there are all the engagement pictures! MY GOD HOW MANY OF YOU FUCKERS GOT ENGAGED LAST MONTH HOLY SHIT, I feel like I still keep seeing pictures of nice rocks on cute fingers. Meanwhile fellow blogger Rihanna Teixeira (follow her at iamrihanna.wordpress.com) was on our side…

Screen shot 2014-01-13 at 9.07.03 AM

I know I made fun of the “thirsty bugaboos” I mentioned in the beginning of this post, but honestly I had sunk down to that level. I usually do during this time. I was down to hang out with guys I hadn’t talked to in forever, and even RSVP’d to the work Christmas party with an extra guest just in case I would be dating someone by that time. But at some point logic kicked in and I realized that as soon as cuffing season was over, I would not be trying to look for anything like a relationship. I plan on moving to New York after graduation this summer and don’t want to start anything intense. There was even a cute guy who asked me out on a date around the week of my birthday (which is December 12th, prime cuffing season time smh) but I just couldn’t do it because I was too afraid to get caught up in the madness of it all. But I mean, who knows, maybe I’ll meet someone before I leave for New York and shit will just happen.

All I know is, cuffing season will turn anybody into a romance-lovin’ fool. Just gotta watch out and not fall into the trap.

We got about a month left of this shit. Let’s survive it togetha.

xoxo Robby Rob

Interested in writing for Spinster Week? Email me at diaryofagayspinster@gmail.com!

More Related Articles:

Winter Romance: My First Boyfriend
Tell Me I’m Pretty, I Already Know I’m Funny
The Gayest Birthday Ever

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