PART TWO THE FALL Read Chapter Five here. Chapter Six October 1, 2014 Dear Diary, It seems I have completely changed. It seems that way. I feel more reserved lately, more apt to being private, finding reasons to believe patience is the virtue I need to learn to live by, and believing in the riddles left behind. That’s right, it’s Damien again. It was a long cold four weeks of feeling avoided, like I was a black cat in the middle of the night. Damien turned me into one of his superstitions. Whether it was an event at Betty’s house or a run-in at our favorite coffee shop hangout, Damien would ignore my existence. Ever since he came back in my life, I have been so scared to unnerve him, to make him run away from me once again. But with practice and poise, I am subconsciously becoming the chill guy Damien wants. I keep my feelings to myself, and only share with a select few. I think that putting feelings out on blast is stupid …
PART ONE THE SUMMER Read Chapter Four here. Chapter Five August 15, 2014 Dear Diary, Damien went through so much trouble to make tonight happen. He and I were in separate cars leaving from Deidre’s birthday dinner. I rushed home to make sure I would make it there first. I wanted to get myself together and make sure tonight would be absolutely perfect. I called Iyanla on my drive out of pure excitement.
PART ONE THE SUMMER Read Chapter Three here. Chapter Four My temple is invaded and destroyed. The bed bugs have taken over and made my space their new home. I am a guest in my room now. The mattress is infested to the highest degree and the box spring has given home to the colony that has lived off my blood as I slept for the past few weeks. I’ve been taking solace in the guest room downstairs. The guest room is free of bed bugs but I still have a hard time trusting the new space after feeling so betrayed by my own harbor. It’s hard to feel safe when I sleep now.
PART ONE THE SUMMER Read Chapter Two here. Chapter Three I used to rule the world. Last night, I went out with Iyanla for a drink. I sat on the patio outside of a bar, staring at the tall buildings and twinkling lights of downtown Phoenix. I brought my cigarette to my mouth, eyes still fixated on the skyline and I thought to myself, “How fucking pathetic.” Nothing compares to New York City and living here is like settling for a boyfriend who’s comfortable and steady, a guy you can trust to unload the dishwasher while you’re at work and give you a neck massage when you get home. But I don’t want comfortable. I don’t need stable. I don’t need a guy to tell me everything is going to be OK. I don’t need a guy to tell me I’m beautiful. I just need to feel alive. I remember seeing the Devil Wears Prada for the first time and thinking, “God, Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend is so needy and annoying. Can’t he see she …
PART ONE THE SUMMER Read Chapter One here. Chapter Two Let’s talk about hair loss. First off, it’s fucking dreadful to watch your hairline continue to roll back like a low ocean tide receding farther and farther away from land to dissipate into a whispering mist. I’m only 22. I would’ve expected to lose it all on my descent into old age, perhaps my 50s – or even 40s would’ve been understandable – but early 20s? It’s way too early in life to get called “daddy” by the next twinky guy I decide to make out with in a fit of drunken sexual rage.
PART ONE THE SUMMER Chapter One Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to disappear. I got the news this evening about Robin Williams’s death, along with everyone else in the world. He appeared to be such a gentle soul, a charmed one with a tragic gift of giving happiness to other people. It must be so strenuous to have such a curse. The curse of being the one who supplies joy and laughter, carrying the burden of jovial behavior, vanquishing darkness in order to entertain and bring light to the world. That to me is the saddest life one could live. It’s also the only life that makes sense to me.
Hello, Spinsters! If you haven’t heard already, I have a new project I’ve been working on called “Fall Awakening” and it’s coming out Monday, November 17. I am telling the story of “Fall Awakening” in a way I’ve never done before and I’m super nervous to share it. When Chapter One is published on Monday I will most likely be hiding from my phone and computer. I’ve never felt this way about writing before which makes it both exciting and terrifying. I don’t want to give away too much, but because this is so different from what I’ve done in the past, I wanted to provide a little preview of what to expect.
B is for Bold “Diary of a Gay Spinster: A Look Inside” is a 4-part series that brings together film, writing, music and fashion. It is with these four things that I am able to express my thoughts and my work, and share my experiences in order to better understand our journeys in life. Topics include: being bold, body image, suicide, creative non-fiction, success and knowing your worth. Today we bring to you episode one: B is for Bold. xoxo Robby Rob
We all have those thirsty phases. Actually, let’s be real, I’m pretty much thirsty at all times. I’m in a constant state of thirst. Perhaps you are too. Maybe we should join a support group. For those of you who don’t know, being “thirsty” doesn’t just mean you need a tall glass of water to drink. It also could mean that you are desperate for some male/female attention (depending on what you like or what you’re in the mood for that day) and you make it so obviously known that it makes you look unattractive and just plain old THIRSTY. You can’t always stop the thirst. Sometimes you just wanna quench, but what you can do is learn to control it, or keep your thirst under wraps. I shamelessly demonstrated some intense thirst this week.
Read Part One here. You know that feeling you get when you’re so unfamiliar with a situation that you have no words?