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Guest Post: People Pleasers: Do You, Girl!

If you’re gonna be a mess, be a HOT mess


By Sydney Bowen

I am the 21-year-old, white girl version of Dr. Mindy Lahiri. If you haven’t seen The Mindy Project, you’re probably thinking, “What is this girl talking about?” Reader’s Digest version for those who haven’t seen it: Mindy is a successful and hilarious doctor living in New York; and aside from all her professional success, she’s a mess. Her personal life is kind of in shambles. Mindy once (accidentally) picked up a male hooker and decides to “Pretty Woman” him after he shakes her down for money. She also bailed her own mugger out of jail. I mean does this sound like someone who has it all figured out?

I often find myself doing the exact things that Mindy does. No, I’ve never accidentally taken home a male prostitute. I’ve never done it on purpose either, just to clear that up. I’ve also never been mugged, but I’d probably guilt trip myself into thinking that I should help the sucker who mugged me. I’m a smart girl. I’m a full time student and a nanny extraordinaire, but I still sometimes feel like a mess.


I’m a pushover. I can admit that. I used to find excuses as to why a guy wasn’t calling me back. “Oh maybe he’s asleep, or his grandma fell down, or he’s having a colonoscopy, or he died?” It’s hard to accept that a guy isn’t calling you because he genuinely doesn’t care about you, but you know what? That’s life. Guys will reject you, and you will reject guys right back. Own who you are.

I was once talking to this guy and he mentioned some weird band that apparently was “the greatest thing ever”. I obviously had no clue what he was talking about, so as he’s going on and on about this underground band that probably had 12 fans, I’m Googling the band to try and contribute to that conversation. That fling obviously burnt out fast considering the fact that the band that he claimed was “the greatest thing ever” was literally the worst thing I’ve ever heard. I’m still apologizing to my ears for that one. I often find myself clinging on to what little shred of hope is left with a guy, even though I know that the string should have been cut a long time ago.

As I get older, which sounds so dramatic since I’m 21 not 51, I’m starting to acknowledge that I deserve a lot better than the crap I’ve put myself through. If a guy puts you on the back burner, turn off the damn stove. You don’t like how you look? Change it. If you want to change, you need to do it for yourself, not for someone else. Don’t you think it’s better to be alone, waiting for someone that’s worth your time, rather than some douche canoe you can hardly stand?

It’s okay to not be okay all the time. I can honestly say that I don’t have it all together, I’ve never had a successful relationship, and I can be a pushover. However, I can proudly say that when I get everything figured out, it’s going to be better than anything I could have imagined.

Check out Sydney’s blog and follow her on Twitter @sydneyleane.

More related links:

Free Yourself
The Homemaker and the Homewrecker
Love is a Choice

Photos courtesy of and



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