Month: June 2013

9 Things My Grandma Taught Me

 If you want to know where I get my fierceness from, you could look at my mother, but we are going even further up the family tree…to her mother, my GRAM. While being gorgeous and all around flawless, my grandma has taught me a lot. She’s the fiercest woman I know, and she always will be. Here are just 9 of the many things she has taught me.  9: Walk like you mean it. Look, there’s no time to waste, alright? When you walk, you walk with purpose. You walk like you’ve got somewhere important to be. When people ask me why I walk so fast, this is why. In fact, Gram walks faster than I do. She’s got the walk down. This is the first step to becoming a bold bitch. via: eonline.com 8: Hands on hips means business. Seriously though, when you’re trying to deal with basics, you know, those people who are just too out of touch with the Bold Bitch lifestyle, you put your hands on your hips to show them what’s …

8 Reasons Why My Dad is a BOSS

8: He knows how to fix a car.  And Lord knows how many times I end up stranded. 7: He makes the best school projects Girl, I played all my classmates for FOOLS, I tell you, FOOLS. Elementary school kids are stupid to believe I made this myself. My teachers just loved me too much to say anything. This is a little beat up here, but in 7th grade, it was the best damn Shadowbox anyone ever made at Kenilworth Junior High. P.S. My signature hasn’t changed since that moment I signed it. 6: He built me a stage once. Yeah, so I went through this phase at age 12 where I really wanted to be this bad-ass drummer. My parents bought me a drum set and then my dad built a stage with wheels on it. He called it a “platform” but let’s call it what it is. It was a stage. And boy did I feel like a star. 5: This is the card he got for him and mom’s anniversary. BLESS. 4: He’s in way better shape …

Boundaries of a Bold Bitch

Toeing the lines… By David Ryan So as Spinster Week comes to a close, Robert had the brilliant idea of putting you to sleep: with me. HA! Being trusted with the toughest leg of the relay, naturally I would never procrastinate the hell out of my deadline. HA! (Yeah. Sorry, Robert…) But today, I want to talk to you about drawing and toeing the line — knowing what the limits are, even if they’re just what’s perceived. On Tumblr (and vis a vis this Instagram), there are the wise words: “wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re a badass bitch from hell and that no one can fuck with you and don’t let anybody fuck with you.” In life we sometimes make secret compromises for the greater good. Like tolerating behavior in friends we don’t always find endearing. Or a significant other your friend is happy with that you don’t think is good enough. Or patience and support for the grieving. Or just not subjecting the world to our ratchetness and staying in. As …

Guest Post: Don’t Be a Poser

This is a public service announcement By Tiffany Hopkins I shall begin with my definition of a poser, because everyone has a slightly different one. POSER /ˈpoʊzər/ – Someone who is pretending. They can pretend in any aspect of his/her life, whether it is their personality, style, interests, hobbies, friends or even their beliefs. Synonym: faker (P.S. anything including the word fake is never good. Purses can be fake, people should not be.) Posers aren’t bad people, but no one knows “the real” them. Hell, they don’t even know the real them. That being said, I have a great tale for all you curious readers. The Back Story During my senior year of high school, I had a friend named Jared Peterson (FYI: We are no longer friends. I’ll consider telling you why later.) Jared was an awesome lad, a good-looking skinny, hippie man who had plans of moving to India by the age of 25. His girlfriend was the sweetest girl anyone could ever meet. Her name was Sarah, and she was just precious. …

Guest Post: People Pleasers: Do You, Girl!

If you’re gonna be a mess, be a HOT mess By Sydney Bowen I am the 21-year-old, white girl version of Dr. Mindy Lahiri. If you haven’t seen The Mindy Project, you’re probably thinking, “What is this girl talking about?” Reader’s Digest version for those who haven’t seen it: Mindy is a successful and hilarious doctor living in New York; and aside from all her professional success, she’s a mess. Her personal life is kind of in shambles. Mindy once (accidentally) picked up a male hooker and decides to “Pretty Woman” him after he shakes her down for money. She also bailed her own mugger out of jail. I mean does this sound like someone who has it all figured out? I often find myself doing the exact things that Mindy does. No, I’ve never accidentally taken home a male prostitute. I’ve never done it on purpose either, just to clear that up. I’ve also never been mugged, but I’d probably guilt trip myself into thinking that I should help the sucker who mugged me. …

Guest Post: Online Dating is a Joke

By Kat Eugenio Recently, in true spinster fashion, I hit rock bottom and signed up for a dating site (This is a public shaming of me).  I haven’t dated much (Seriously, stop now), so the only relationship experience I have to go off of is that of my overly dramatic, spinster best friend (Thanks, man). (Because this is how I think dating should work— Except you should ALWAYS use the correct form of “you’re”) Apparently, guys on the internet are willing to look past the fact that I only ever want to eat ice cream and watch TV in my underwear. Their desperation bumps me up to an “out of your league” status–the key is being hopeless and awkward and desperate for love. The messages asking for wild nights are still rolling in (I just want to lay down and hug). There is no greater self esteem booster than when some supah hot rando tool bag wants to get into my lady parts. Not only do you feel pretty and confident but you get the …

How to Make Someone Love You (Part One)

Sometimes in life, there comes a moment when you meet a person who catches your eye and grabs your attention. You want them to like you. You want them to love you. If you want to be successful in getting someone to notice you, then there are a few tips I can share. These work best when you meet someone in a work environment, a group, or classroom setting. **DISCLAIMER** These tips only work if you’re super nice and a cool person. If you’re a rude bitch all the time and no one likes you ever, then you’re shit out of luck. Tip #1: Demonstrate how cool you are A new person entering your territory is scoping out everyone to see what’s up. They want the low down of what’s going on so they can fit in. So they are super observant. When you’re around the new person, make sure you are cool and funny with other co-workers, friends etc. The more they see how cool you are with other people, the more intrigued they …

Bold Bitch and the City | Part Two: Getting Settled

Here I am again. Back to Spinsterville. I’m sitting at my desk, writing and drinking mocha infused coffee (made with an INDIVIDUAL coffee maker). I’m wearing a cardigan because it’s a little chilly in here #grannyswag. I live in a student residence hall because it’s fully furnished, cheap(er), and close to the city (not to mention, it comes with a TV). Living in a double room all by myself, I get to look at an empty bed across from me and listen to all the other rooms become filled with laughter and friendship. The best part is, I get two closets #gayboyswag. It was definitely my choice to live in a double room by myself. I really do treasure my lonesome time. But it’s going to be a little difficult to make friends in this building since I don’t live with anyone. Did I mention my room is at the end of the hall in the corner? Yeah, people probably walk past it and think, “Oh that’s where the old spinster lady lives. She’s been …