I didn’t think I would ever kiss him.
In fact, I didn’t think he would ever want to kiss me. That seemed way more unlikely. I knew how I felt, but I certainly didn’t know how he felt. I’ve always been a little naive about that sort of thing.
Jared has a good head on his shoulders. He’s very good-looking, a film major and is hella smart, way smarter than I am when it comes to numbers and shit. I always kind of admired how classy he is. And I always kinda admired how damn fine he is.
We hung out before but we were just schoolmates, friends, and I guess we still are friends but something new was definitely developing as his tongue continued to find its way down my throat. I would have NEVER made a move on a guy one year a ago, I would have never even hung out with Jared. I would’ve saw him, and dipped out. I wouldn’t have had the courage or the confidence to give me reason to believe, “THIS GUY IS GON’ BE MY MAN.” And he’s still not really “my man” seeing as how I’m leaving this small Arizona town to go intern in New York this summer with CNN. But after we “got together” once, twice and then three times, we knew we liked each other. And we know things will pick up when I get back from NYC in the fall. Shame this all happened the week before my departure.
It’s funny, really. I haven’t had much of anything, not really any action or romance in five years. I hadn’t even kissed anyone within that time. I weigh more than I ever have and more busy than I’ve ever been, yet some way, somehow, I’m at the point now where I could have a potential love interest on the rise. And I’m comfortable with that. It doesn’t scare me. I’m not frightened by it. I’m not so surprised either. Maybe a little bit when it first happened, but really though, all my fears and doubts about my body, how I see myself are no longer so dominant. I feel more free than ever before. So why is it that I’m more confident now than I was when I was younger, skinner, and sociable? It’s all thanks to one thing: The Bold Bitch Diaries.
The first installment of BBD called, Gorgeous Greg, captures everything I felt six months ago. I felt lost, I felt gross, and I felt like a loser. I wanted to go against every negative thing I ever felt about myself and become a bad bitch, but not just a bad bitch, a BOLD BITCH. Someone who did what they wanted to do without regrets or fear. I wanted to be able to face myself in the mirror, I wanted to be able to see how beautiful I am. I wanted to see that I am worthy. I wanted to see that I can do anything.
And so it went. I became a “yes, man” a free-thinker, and a free spirit. I went with my gut instead of my brain. I went with my heart instead of my mind. I listened to God. I prayed. I wrote. I created. Being bold isn’t about doing outlandish and crazy things for the fuck of it. It’s about doing what you want to do for something we all search for in life: LOVE. As cheesy as it sounds, LOVE must be the driving force in your own Bold Bitch journey. It must bring you to where you want to be in life, which is happiness. LOVE is everything you need and everything you fight for. First you fall in love with yourself, then you fall in love with the people who matter, and then all of a sudden, waves of love will surround you. And no matter where you go, it will be there. It will be present. And you will feel it.
I am ending the Bold Bitch Diaries, not because I don’t believe in the Bold Bitch religion/lifestyle, but because this series has been about becoming the bold bitch. It’s been about channeling the Bold Bitch Goddess and finding myself. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and it’s because of this journey.
I had no idea the Bold Bitch Diaries have helped me throughout my life these past few months. Sometimes you have to stop thinking about who you want to be and take a minute to admire the person you have become.
Love hard and never be scared to do so. You never know if you’ll end up making out with a hot film major.
xoxo Robby Rob