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The Mr. High School Diaries | Part One: Dating Girls

I received the text message. It was late at night on a Tuesday, and I had an English assignment due the next day. Ninth grade English class is just so difficult.

The text read: “We need to break up.”

I was disappointed but not exactly saddened. Lindsay and I had only been dating for like a week. AIN’T NOBODY GON’ BE HEARTBROKEN OVER DAT SHIT. (Exception: If Darren Criss and I were to be in a five minute relationship that ended most likely because he realized I am completely insane, then I would cry for days, call off work, drop out of school, and go on an “Eat, Pray, Love” adventure to find myself.)

Just marry me, Darren. Please.

Just marry me, Darren. Please.

I didn’t know how to respond exactly, I was just so dumbfounded. I mean, come on, I’m pretty attractive. So, I simply said:

“Why?”

It took a good ten minutes to get back a response and I wasn’t sure how long it would take. Finally, she replied:

“God doesn’t want us to date anymore.”

WHAT?! GOD TOLD YOU TO BREAK UP WITH ME? That was not a valid excuse for me. I was not having it. But I decided to keep down the crazy and just accept it for what it was. I wasn’t going to fight Lindsay against breaking up with me. If this was how it was supposed to end, this was how it was supposed to be.

Fast forward two years and it turns out God was right. Mr. Robert Soares came out as gay. So thank you God, thank you for saving the both of us.

I mean really...

I mean really…

People always ask me what it was like to date girls. It’s a difficult question to answer sometimes but really it wasn’t as horrifying as some may assume. Just because I like to rock it with the dudes, doesn’t mean I find the female body repulsive and grotesque. I just don’t look at it as a Wonderland the way John Mayer does. It’s more of like a kids playground in downtown. It’s fun at first but then eventually you get quite bored and tired, and you definitely wouldn’t want to be there late at night.

Look at me typin' away on a computer that isn't even turned on. I was such a good student in high school.

Look at me typin’ away on a computer that isn’t even turned on. I was such a good student in high school.

The sad, sad truth is I’ve had longer relationships with women than men. I dated a girl for eight months in high school and kept it going until I found a way out.

You have to understand that in order to find myself, I had to go through a process of denying who I am. I lived the lie the best to my ability and one day I realized my true potential. Some of us are lucky enough to not have to go through this process. But then some of us, people like me, need a huge slap in the face to wake up and never go back to sleep again.

More from High School

Introducing Jayden Tucker
My First Boyfriend
The Gayest Birthday Ever

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