Month: October 2012

Introducing Jayden Tucker

The following is an excerpt from a book I’m writing called, “Skittles for Breakfast”. Chapter Four: Hot Pursuit “You have really pretty eyes. I like the way they look when the sun shines on your face,” he said with that cheesy Disney Channel movie smile. I swallowed my first bite of cafeteria chicken wrap as he waited for my response from across the lunch table. “Shut up, don’t talk to me.” I told him sassily. (Sassily. A word I didn’t think existed until my word processor granted me the right to use it by sparing the red squiggly line of failure).

10 Reasons Why My Mom Deserves An Award for Dealing With My Sh**

#1 When I was 12, she once got a guy who worked at the movie theater concession stand fired because he said to me, “Why do you have to be so difficult?” Excuse me sir, but there are three types of pretzels to choose from here and I can’t decide if I want something sweet or salty. In any case, it wouldn’t be the last time a man would say those exact words to me.

The Dinner Party

The following is an excerpt from my book, “Skittles for Breakfast”… Preface  Dear Jayden,  Forgive me for the content of this memoir,  for I am not one to misplace honesty in the dark.  Yours Truly,  Robert  Losing friends and making enemies has turned out easier than I thought. I much prefer hating everyone while they continue to like and admire me, however, my acts of emotional destruction have brought me to where I am now…  happy.

Jayden Tucker: Why Do You Hate Me?

Flaunting a green sash around campus proved to be quite attention getting, something I endorsed to climb the ranks in the High School Hierarchy system. Throughout most of my childhood, I dreamed of one day being crowned Ms. America, but my dose of reality sunk in after my mother said it was inappropriate for an eight year old boy to be wearing high heeled shoes. I then told her that it was inappropriate to be wearing Mom Jeans at the age of twenty eight.

Winter Romance: My First Boyfriend

The following is an excerpt from the book I am writing called, “Skittles for Breakfast.” December has always been my favorite month. I even want to grace my first adopted daughter with the name DECEMBER and call her DESEE for short. Sounds ridiculous, but it’s not as bad as the name for my future second daughter, KACI, a name inspired by Kelly Clarkson’s first and last initials.

My 17th Birthday

There is nothing more obnoxious than some attention loving drama queen walking around school on her birthday carrying fifteen hundred balloons (in various colors), a pink wand covered in glitter with a star attached to the top that reads “It’s My Birthday!”, while still managing to hold a pan of half eaten chocolate cake like the way a waitress would when bringing a platter to a table. Well, turns out this year, that bitch is me.