Countless Google searches on hair transplant surgery, cheek implants, jawline surgery, liposuction, teeth surgery, rhinoplasty and eye shape surgery only made me more depressed about my self-esteem.
All of these things I wanted to fix about myself began to consume my life. It took a lot of prayers to get me to where I am now, and although I may not be completely comfortable with my face + body, I’ve reached a higher level of acceptance; I’ve accepted myself.
We may live in an image driven society but it would be nothing without the people who refused to fall into the dangerous pit of “self-loathing.”
So let this be the first time I have ever told anyone, ever, about my battle with accepting the way I look, a struggle beginning at the age of 5, and continuing on into a state of depression just this past year.
I contemplated sharing something so personal about myself, especially because I am just now beginning this blog, but I figured I’d do it now while people are still interested in what I have to say. Someone once told me that if you want to help others, you have to help yourself and be brave by bearing your own truth.
I don’t believe confidence + self-esteem are mutually exclusive. One derives from one’s abilities and the other derives from one’s self. I carry confidence in my abilities to be a good person, to love, and try to make people laugh. These abilities are rewarding, however, the reward does not lie in myself, it lies in other people and their happiness. Self-esteem is making yourself happy, seeing the beauty in who you are (look at me, gettin’ all cheesy up in here) and finding happiness within yourself, not just other people.
This post is not about me. This is about everyone who’s ever felt like they weren’t good enough.
This photograph is different for me, no filters. No ‘good-side’ angles. No glasses to hide my eyes behind. Only me. And that’s just it, there will always be only one ‘me’. Always be only one ‘you’.
So fall in love with who you are.
Just don’t make it weird.
Feel free to share your own stories, whether they be struggles or “ah-ha” moments in the comment section below.